Source: Stand Up, Speak Out, Talk Back
Author: Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons
How much do you like yourself? When was the last time you got something for yourself, bought something on impulse or built something on your own? Here is a small test you can do to find out if you're living your life to the fullest:
Increasing Openness to Experience
How recently have you
- participated in a new sport or game?
- changed your views on an important (political, personal, professional) issue?
- tried a new hobby or craft?
- taken a course in a new field?
- studied a new language or culture?
- spent fifteen minutes or more paying attention to your body feelings, senses (relaxation, tension, sensuality)?
- listened for fifteen minutes or more to a religious, political, professional , or personal viewpoint with which you disagree?
- tasted new food, smelled a new odour, listened to a new sound?
- allowed yourself to cry? or to say "I care about you"? or laugh until you cried? or to scream at the top of your lung capacity?
- watched the sun (or moon) rise or set? or a bird soar on the wind's currents? or a flower open to the sun?
- traveled to a place you had never been before?
- spent an hour or more really communicating (actively listening and responding honestly) with a person of a different cultural or racial background?
- taken a "fantasy trip" allowing your imagination to run free for ten minutes to an hour or more?
Increasing Existential Living
How recently have you
- done something you felt like doing at that moment, without regard for the consequences?
- stopped to "listen" to what was going on inside you. really concentrating your awareness on what was happening within you at that moment?
- spontaneously expressed a feeling - anger, joy, fear, sadness, caring - without "thinking about it"?
- done what you wanted to do, instead of what you thought you should do?
- allowed yourself to spend time or money on immediate "payoff" rather than saving for tomorrow?
- done something no one (including you) expected you to do?
Increasing Trust in One's Organism
How recently have you
- done what "felt right" to you, against the advice of others?
- allowed yourself to experiment creatively with a new approach to an old problem?
- expressed an unpopular opinion sensitively in the face of majority opposition?
- used your own intellectual reasoning ability to work out a solution to a difficult problem?
- made a decision and acted upon it right away?
- acknowledged by your actions that you can direct your own life (refuse an unreasonable request, not "ask permission" to do what you want)?
- cared enough about yourself to get a physical exam (within a year)?
- told others of your religious faith, or philosophy of life?
- assumed a position of leadership in your community, or an organization, or your profession?
- asserted your feelings when you were treated unfairly?
- risked sharing your personal feelings with another person?
- designed and/or built something on your own?
- admitted you were wrong?
- admitted you were right?
If you like yourself, if you value yourself as a person, if you have what a psychologist calls "a good self-concept", you are very likely to find yourself doing many of the things stated above. You'd be actively engaged in life, finding out about new people, places and things, savouring each hour, acting spontaneously, trusting your own judgement and sharing yourself with others.
Unfortunately, many individuals find it difficult to care for themselves. The person with poor self-concept not only believes that he/she is worth less than most other folks, this person acts accordingly. The symptoms of poor self-concept are:
- seldom enjoy daily activities
- almost never seeking out new experiences
- rarely expresses feelings honestly
- doesn't express his/her rights
The above four attributes are what we call non-assertive behavior. They are likely to think of the appropriate response for the opportunity that has passed. By contrast, a person with assertive behavior are more likely to do just the opposite. At the other extreme of the scale, an aggressive person might react too vigorously, making a deep and negative expression, and may later be sorry for it.
Click on this link to see the different behaviors and their comparison against each other.
